Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
They have beer where we have blood.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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