I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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