I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
