She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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