fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
