I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
