I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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