Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
