Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
