I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
accomplished twins. life is a go
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, beer. Big fan.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
