one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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