Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
