i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
