I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
