...so i touched it.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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