you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Need sex. Gaining weight.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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