I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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