and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
