She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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