i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize