is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
