just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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