Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
