i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
