I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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