oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
