She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
