He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
