You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
