My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
