Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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