His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just googled if crying burns calories
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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