Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
BRING THE BAGELS
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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