I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
