i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
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