My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
