worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
God, I missed his penis.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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