went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
