he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
