he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize