Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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