the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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