Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
