dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
