i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
