I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You have to summon your inner elephant
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
