I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We just shotgunned beers for America
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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