What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
