Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
