HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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