Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
