I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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