Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
