I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
