okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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