Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I want you more than these girls want KFC
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
