I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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