The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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