I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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