Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
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