saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
