Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
