Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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