I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
This girl is more easily done than said...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
