Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
