My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize