Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
